Serena Williams is 30 years old. Under her current plan to curtail romantic relationships, she wont date again until shes at least 40.
I just have to remove myself from that atmosphere for about the next decade or so, Serena told Celebuzz.com at the launch for her new line of Sleep Sheets. I cant get involved.
The tennis star said the moratorium on dating stems from recent relationships gone awry.
I have given up on dating, Williams said. It just hasnt worked out well for me.
Added the winner of 13 Grand Slam singles titles: Im a really emotional person. I give my all and everything. I do make mistakes — like every human does — but the last relationship just was too much of a heartbreak for me. I just cant go through that anymore. It was hard.
Williams didnt tell who specifically broke her heart, but she reportedly has dated rappers Drake and Common.
Based on evidence from mobile phone calls and texts, a new study has found that women drive the formation of romantic relationships. According to a study of mobile phone calls, women call their spouse more than any other person, but that changes as their daughters become old enough to
have children, after which they become the most important person in their lives.
It also shows that men call their spouse most often for the first seven years of their relationship and then they shift their focus to other friends.
The results come from an analysis of the texts of mobile phone calls of three million people.
Robin Dunbar, the co-author of the study from Oxford University, UK, said that the investigation shows that pair-bonding is much more important to women than men.
“It’s the first really strong evidence that romantic relationships are driven by women,” the BBC quoted him as saying.
“It’s they who make the decision and once they have made their mind up, they just go for the poor bloke until he keels over and gives in!” he said.
But the data shows that women start to switch the preference of their best friend from about the mid-30s, and by the age of 45 a woman of a generation younger becomes the “new best friend”, according to Dunbar.
“Human societies are moving back to a matriarchy.
“What seems to happen is that women push the ‘old man’ out to become their second best friend, and he gets called much less often and all her attention is focussed on her daughters just at the point at which you are likely to see grandchildren arriving,” he said.
The aim of the project was to find out how close, intimate relationships vary over a lifetime.
The team wanted to find out how the gender preference of best friends, as defined by the frequency of the calling, changed over the course of a lifetime and differed between men and women.
They found that men tend to choose a woman the same age as themselves which the researchers presumed to be their girlfriend or wife as a best friend much later in life than women do, and for a much shorter time.
This occurs when they are in their early-30s, possibly during courtship, and stops after seven years or so.
Women, however, choose a man of a similar age to be their best friend from the age of 20. He remains for about 15 years, after which time he’s replaced by a daughter.
The researchers say that a woman’s social world is intensely focussed on one individual and will shift as a result of reproductive interests from being the mate to children and grandchildren.
According to Dunbar, the data suggests “at root the important relationships are those between women and not those between men”.
“Men’s relationships are too casual. They often function at a high level in a political sense, of course; but at the end of the day, the structure of society is driven by women, which is exactly what we see in primates,” he added.
The study has been published in the journal Scientific Reports.
Serena Williams is 30 years old. Under her current plan to curtail romantic relationships, she wont date again until shes at least 40.
I just have to remove myself from that atmosphere for about the next decade or so, Serena told Celebuzz.com at the launch for her new line of Sleep Sheets. I cant get involved.
The tennis star said the moratorium on dating stems recent relationships gone awry.
I have given up on dating, said Williams. It just hasnt worked out well for me.
Added the winner of 13 grand slam singles titles: Im a really emotional person. I give my all and everything. I do make mistakes — like every human does — but the last relationship just was too much of a heartbreak for me. I just cant go through that anymore. It was hard.
Williams didnt tell who specifically broke her heart, but she reportedly has dated rappers Drake and Common.
Copyright copy; 2012 USA TODAY, a division of Gannett Co. Inc.
Its long been established that men and women can be friends. But a new study suggests the more compelling question is: Should they?
Researchers from the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire plumbed the opposite-sex relationships of more than 400 adults, ranging in age from 18 to 52, and found attraction was both common and potentially costly. Across all but one demographic, in fact, the more attracted a person was to their friend, the less satisfied they were with their current romantic relationship.
“Attraction in friendship is happening, and its persistent, says lead author April Bleske-Rechek, associate professor of psychology.
“Id venture to say, based on all our data, that in the majority of (opposite-sex) friendships theres at least a low level of attraction. And if its coming more from one friend than the other, its probably the guy.
Because opposite-sex friendships are a novel concept, evolutionarily speaking, Bleske-Rechek believes peoples hardwired mating instincts impinge on them. Notably, this seems to occur even when both parties claim genuinely platonic intentions.
To put it in When Harry Met Sally terms, “the sex part gets in the way.
The research, published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, incorporates two separate studies. The first uses a sample of 88 opposite-sex friend pairs asked to gauge, separately and anonymously, such things as attraction to the other person, desire to go on a romantic date with them and perceived desire of their friend to take them on a date.
In that study, men reported more attraction to their female friends than women did to their male friends; men overestimated their friends level of attraction to them, while women underestimated attraction; and men reported a stronger desire to date their friend than did women.
“Historically, men faced the risk of being shut out, genetically, if they didnt take advantage of various reproductive opportunities, explains Bleske-Rechek. “So the argument is that men have evolved to be far more sexually opportunistic.
The second study draws from two samples: “emerging adults, aged 18 to 23, and “young and middle-aged adults, aged 27 to 52. Individuals were asked to spontaneously list the benefits and costs of their opposite-sex friendships, as well as rate their satisfaction with their current romantic partnership.
Across every demographic, people listed more benefits than costs; attraction was named as a cost or complication five times more often than as a benefit; people in serious relationships were no more likely to mention attraction as a cost; and in every demographic except emerging adult males, the more attraction a person felt to a friend, the lower their satisfaction with their romantic relationship.
For now, Bleske-Rechek says the direction in which the latter effect occurs is unclear.
“Is it that attraction in cross-sex friendships has a negative influence on romantic relationships? Is it that people who are dissatisfied in their relationship actually seek solace and mate-affirmation in their friends? Or is it that people who are prone to short-term mating styles are less likely to be satisfied by committed relationships, and more likely to be attracted to other people?
Ultimately, the answer may matter most to academics. For even as the majority of people recognize the risks of opposite-sex friendships, they believe the benefits outweigh them.
“Sexual attraction came up so frequently as a cost – and these were spontaneous nominations, says Bleske-Rechek. “But people seem willing to take the bad with the good because they find fulfilment in these friendships.
You may have her on speed dial when youre sick or when you need serious life advicebut according to new research, your mom may have a huge impact on your love life, too.
According to a study from the University of Minnesota, the experiences you have with your mother as a baby may set the stage for how you view interpersonal connections in your lifeincluding romantic relationships. Thats not so sexy, but it might actually provide key intel on your own romantic style.
Researchers studied 75 children from birth until their 30s, analyzing how each acted in situations that tested the bond they had with their mothers. After assessing their emotional development over the years, they found that those who were mistreated were naturally more defensive and argumentative toward others, while those who had supportive mothers were more inclined to work through problems later on.
The psychologists explain that since youre mentally developing so much in the first 12 to 18 months, how your mom treats you basically defines your perception of love, setting up a model for how to act in the future. That means were essentially programmed on how to trust, connect and resolve conflict at infancy.
By the same token, we bet you can also suss out a guys romantic style based on his history with his mom. Sure, you wont know everythingbut you can probably wager a good guess. Has his mom always been super doting? He might be the needier type. Has their relationship been strained? Maybe hes unintentionally more distant and needs you to make a little extra effort.
How much do you think your mom has affected your love life?
From Richard Conniffs interesting book, The Ape in the Corner Office: How to Make Friends, Win Fights and Work Smarter by Understanding Human Nature:
It turned out that the fifteen high-performance teams averaged 5.6 positive interactions for every negative one. The nineteen low-performance teams racked up a positive/negative ratio of just .363. That is, they had about three negative interactions for every positive one…
And:
Whats even scarier is that Losadas five-to-one ratio also appears to be essential when you get home and try to muster the energy for a successful marriage. John Gottmann at the University of Washington has found that couples with a ratio of fewer than five positive interactions for every negative one are destined for divorce.
Also:
Curiously, the magic number also seems to have a close parallel in the ratio of positive behaviors…and negative behaviors…among monkeys and apes. Thus the five-to-one ratio begins to look suspiciously like a basic primate need.
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Who you date could influence how you drink, according to a new study from Dalhousie University in Halifax, Canada.
The study followed the drinking habits of 208 unmarried, heterosexual couples in their 20s (at least one partner in each relationship was in college) over a 28-day period. In all cases, the couples had been dating for at least three months and saw each other a minimum of five days a week. Researchers found they could predict a partners binge drinking based on the binge drinking patterns of their partner.
Unlike previous studies, this one found that it wasnt just men influencing women to drink more: Binge drinking in university students occurs in both young men and women. Studies with married couples show that men have more of an influence on women, but in our study, we found both young women and young men influence their partner’s binge drinking, wrote researcher Aislin Mushquash in a press release.
This study is part of a growing body of research showing that more women are drinking to excess. According to a new study by Shelly Greenfield, a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, there were five males dependent on alcohol for every female alcoholic in the 1980s, though by 2002 the gap had been drastically reduced to 2.5 men for every woman.
One problem with women closing the binge drinking gender gap is that their bodies dont process alcohol like a mans. Another study published earlier this year found that while alcohol puts both men and woman at risk for diseases like cirrhosis, alcohol poising and cancer, Women become intoxicated after drinking half as much, metabolize alcohol differently, develop cirrhosis of the liver more rapidly, and have a greater risk of dying from alcohol-related accidents, according to Women And Alcohol Use Disorders, an article in the July-August 2002 issue of the Harvard Review of Psychiatry.
Alcohol abuse also damages womens brains more quickly than it does mens. A study to be published in January 2012 found that women who had been drinking to excess for four years had patterns of reduced serotonin activity in their brains similar to the patterns exhibited in men who had been abusing alcohol for 14 years.
To top off the grim statistics, women who binge drink are at a higher risk of being the victims of violence: Alcohol consumption is involved in two out of three incidents of intimate partner violence, according to the centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
Gawkers Lauri Apple points out that the binge drinking study from Dalhousie University leaves out large portions of the population, studying only unmarried college students, and binge drinking is often seen as more normalized college behavior.
The study also does not take into account the influence of friends on drinking habits — if a couple is going to the same weekend parties, for example, who is to say that its the partner, and not the larger social circle, behind the binge drinking?
Do you think your partner influences how much you drink? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
Teen Relationships and Sexuality: Resources for Parents and Professionals Working With Adolescents
During adolescence, youth typically start having romantic relationships and begin engaging in sexual behavior. It is a crucial time for parents and professionals working with young people to help guide teens in development of healthy sexual behaviors and relationships. The Prevention Researcher, the quarterly journal focused on successful adolescent development, offers four themed issues exploring aspects of adolescent relationships and sexuality.
The past few years have been tough, and so it makes sense that we have sought comfort in adult footed pajamas, bacon, butter, and remaining in our romantic relationships even when the box has been open so long that theyre as stale as cardboard nuggets. It makes sense that, over a period of time when many of us have lost our jobs and residences, we seek ways to self-parent by wrapping ourselves up in Snuggies and devoting grandma-like brain space to what will make up our three squares a day. The connection between food and emotion is complex, covering all sorts of ground from vitamin deficiencies to sense-activated memory: Even thinking about comfort food is enough to combat loneliness. Is that why we watch so many cooking shows?
Competitive cooking is a strange thing to watch. Although — as hosts remind contestants millions of dreary times per episode — a diner first eats with his or her eyes (chilling imagery for the literal-minded!), no matter how much food TV we watch, we can never taste the product. Viewing competitive sports is something else entirely: The vantage point of an at-home fan, especially one with a replay button to push as many times as he or she wants to, is close to omniscient. But how can a person experience a platter of fried chicken just by looking at it? When one of the Top Chefs presents an impressively high soufflé to Tom Colicchio, a soufflé that — cruelly — we will never taste, what kind of satisfaction do we obtain from watching the judges eat, and then rate, this dish? Most of these shows, the nighttime Food Network variety (The Next Food Network Star, Chopped, Dinner: Impossible, Iron Chef America, etc.) and the Bravo and network offerings (Top Chef, Hells Kitchen, Masterchef), arent geared toward cooks so much as they are geared toward foodophiles. We arent necessarily as interested in learning to replicate the soufflé as we are interested in eating it; even watching someone else eat it will suffice. If we eat with our eyes, the food-show addicts eyes are very fat indeed, and the more of these shows we take in, the greater investment we have in the chefs who impress us the most.
There is no flavor or fullness to be achieved from watching a Voltaggio brother sous-vide chicken thighs, but certain chefs attain celebrity just by feeding us culinary ideas stamped with what we must assume is their unique skill. The LA Times struggled to get a reservation at Top Chef Season 6 winner Michael Voltaggios restaurant Ink; Top Chef Masters alum and host of Ludo Bites America Ludo Lefebvre is so elusive, with his pop-up restaurants with mayfly-like lifespans, that his food lives mostly in our imaginations and in the fawning reviews of his foie gras panini. And anyway, who can afford to go to a place like Jose Andres The Bazaar more than once in a lifetime? Its only practical to supplement the tactile and sensory satisfaction of eating well in the proxy servers of our taste buds memories, just as the thought of potatoes au gratin means much more than the flavor of cream and carbs: The memory, or imagined experience, of food pleasure is almost as powerful as the real thing.
Celebrity chefs — to those of us who only made it to varsity levels in Scrabble — give an otherwise apathetic demographic a reason to root for players and shout a derisive COME ON! at a culinary athlete who skates through the competition without the virtue of being good at cooking: willing them to fail, to keep the integrity of the game intact. A chefs personality is usually distilled, in the context of these shows, to an ability to persevere when a plate of chopped something-or-others gets accidentally dumped on the floor, and a mythical chef attribute thats sometimes referred to as passion on a plate. If you happen to have eaten at a cheftestants restaurant before his or her rise to fame, you can feel almost like a Red Sox fan in the bleachers as you watch him or her struggle to make the risotto tender on time. Its a relatable struggle: Every home cook sweats it out over a pan of risotto, or wonders why the chicken leg wont wiggle easily after the carcass has sat in the oven for almost two hours, or tries to get the dinner-party guests drunk enough that time will enter into that fluid space where nobody notices theyre only being served plate after plate of cheese because no entrée will ever make it out before midnight. There are very few B-plots, a lack of focus on inter-chef relationship drama or boring bickering in the rented condo common room, and thats refreshing. Foodies like integrity, not interpersonal bullshit; why pick apart a person when its so much more fun to pick apart a $24 dish of subpar rigatoni? Its impersonal and refreshing, while at the same time being deeply personal when you consider the huge professional and street-cred repercussions of undercooking a pork chop on TV and then inviting people into your restaurant.
It can be just as engaging to watch the minor league escapades of chefs from your sofa as it is to view the pyrotechnics of Chef Morimoto as he effortlessly hacks a live spiny lobster to death. Chopped, with its relatively modest $10,000 prizes and mostly unknown players, takes place over three anorexically-timed rounds (20 minutes for an appetizer, 30 for entrees and desserts), and involves a basket of mandatory clashing ingredients, like pigs feet, kumquats, and marshmallows. It is one of the shows that is arguably better to watch than to judge, especially since its difficulty and the culinary acuity level are so often mismatched. Theres something gratifying about watching someone with a culinary degree get stumped by a chicken in a can, something recognizable in the sweat dripping from a chefs nose as he or she struggles to make ingredients into a dinner as the time drains away and the deglazing pan overheats. In 2009, Michael Pollan, who takes a pretty dim view of cooking shows (a simulacrum of home cooking that is sold on TV — thats not good, right?), asked a chef friend if he thought that a person could learn to cook by watching these cooking competitions. How much do you learn about playing basketball by watching the NBA? was the response. But just like the rituals associated with sports fandom (the tailgates, the familiar musical interludes, the cold drink, the jersey numbers, the history that permeates generations of loyal viewers), the anticipation of our culinary programming is a lot like the anticipation of lunch: comforting in its regularity. We were never meant to taste the things we watch other people eat on television: Theyre imagination-stokers and memory triggers. The brain responds more to the anticipation of food than to food itself, and these shows keep us in a constant state of anticipation for a reward that never arrives.
There is a theory that domesticated cats meow (whereas feral cats dont often meow past maturity) because we keep them in a constant state of kittenhood by providing them with their Fancy Feasts. Perhaps the fuzzy feelings we glean from thinking about comfort food — from providing ourselves with this anticipation-reward game — coddles us in a way that makes us feel as safe as infants. We watch other people get fed, and its primal and reminds us of sitting at the table, legs dangling below, drooling over the idea of dads famous macaroni. The anticipation keeps us in a kitten state, even when the feasts we prepare for ourselves are anything but fancy. Its nice to imagine that somewhere, someone is reaching for the second jar of caviar to plop on some televised blini. It reminds us of something we hope we might see again.
Tess Lynch is a Los Angeles-based writer. You can follow her on Twitter at @PhloxLombardi.
Previously: After the Suicide: Understanding The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
The X Factor: Chris Rene Steps In It
The Recessionary Charms of American Horror Story
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Truth be told, I dont enjoy ranking films — especially at the end of a year that disappointingly lacked a single title that moved me to tears, gut-busting laughter or some kind of profound existential realization. (However there were quite a few films that inspired hopelessness for the future of cinema. See Just Go With It and Bucky Larson: Born To Be a Star. Actually, dont see them.) But there were some titles Id recommend and even some I wouldnt immediately regift if they found their way under my Christmas tree/menorah this season. Behold, my fave films of 2011. As always, let me know how much you disagree with this list in the space below.
10. The Muppets
In a year that lacked decent romantic comedies, The Muppets filled the feel-good movie void for me. Jim Hensons fuzzy characters — who made their long-awaited return to the multiplex in this Jason Segel/Nick Stoller-scripted picture — have the uncanny ability to make audiences forget their cynicism — even after paying the $12 ticket price. That special power is priceless, especially when combined with the overpowering nostalgia that Kermit, Miss Piggy and the entire Henson gang induce.
9. African Cats
For the record, I would watch any nature documentary narrated by Samuel L. Jackson because this Oscar nominated-actors intense delivery could make any non-event seem suspenseful. But this Disneynature release exceeded my expectations. Chronicling the lives of a pride of lions (led by Fang, their grizzly, fearless, snaggle-toothed superior — the equivalent to The Lion Kings Mufasa) and a rival family of cheetahs led by a single mother Sita, this story was at once informative and breathtakingly beautiful. The real-life footage depicted a majestic African savannah so gorgeous that it was hard to believe it was not computer-generated and a tale of death, reunion and fiercely protective paternal impulses so moving that it was difficult to comprehend that it was not scripted. Furthermore, the story of Sitas single motherhood in the majestic African savannah is the most compelling story of single parenthood Ive seen all year.
8. Contagion
Steven Soderberghs cautionary virus film is my favorite horror flick of the year, mainly because it continued to inspire fear and nightmares long after my first screening. Any film that can weave together another award-worthy Kate Winslet performance and Matt Damon as an overly protective dad who stages a home prom for his quarantined daughter complete with U2 dance mix is a film friend of mine. In addition to being all of these things (and the best-paced film of the year, in my opinion), Contagion established itself as one of the best-worst cautionary tales for adulturers ever.
7. Crazy, Stupid, Love
Ryan Gosling in a well-tailored suit. Emma Stone playing a head-smart female who can miraculously bait emotionally closed-off men into mature romantic relationships. Steve Carell as a dejected divorcÃ. Josh Grobin. A brilliant, if totally impractical and unrealistic, scene involving the Dirty Dancing lift. What I could have done without — in this Dan Fogelman-scripted film — is every other peripheral storyline including Julianne Moores romance with a work colleague played by Kevin Bacon, a babysitter crushing hard for Carell and makeshift miniature golf courses. Regardless, this is one of the smartest films to fall under the romantic-comedy umbrella this year.
6. Warrior
Full disclosure: I am partial to any film set in Pittsburgh because I am a Steel City native. That being said, Gavin OConnors sports drama was not just a welcome dose of nostalgia but a tale of repressed familial feelings and resentment told against the gritty burgh backdrop. Although the whole Moby Dick audiobook situation may have been a little heavy-handed for my taste, Nick Noltes performance as a recovering alcoholic and sinner was crushing. Also, I prefer Tom Hardy and Joel Edgertons portrayal of tragically competitive brothers over Mark Wahlberg and Christian Bales any day of the week.
5. 50/50
I was hesitant to see a film branded a cancer comedy — even if it starred Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Anna Kendrick and Anjelica Huston. But when I finally did get to the theater, I discovered one of the sweetest films of the year. One that was able to tackle cancer with a heaping dose of comedy that never felt inappropriate, thanks in part to Will Reisers touching script and each supporting cast member who seemed responsible for bringing one major component to the movie each: Angelica Huston (sympathy), Seth Rogen (laughs), Bryce Dallas Howard (bitchiness) and Anna Kendrick (hope). Do not be afraid of 50/50 — it is one of the few films this year that really earned its uplifting ending.
4. Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol
Because of the number of tabloid pages dedicated to him, I always end up discounting Tom Cruise as an actor…until I get into a movie theater and realize again, just why he is and deserves to be a movie star. Tom Cruise has a unique screen presence that demands your attention and ticket money — and when paired with Brad Birds impeccable direction and the stomach-churning action sequences in this fourth Mission: Impossible installment, was a sight to behold, and one that I hope I can experience very soon again.
3. Young Adult
In addition to boasting one of the smartest, hilarious and most devilishly complex protagonists of the year, Young Adult introduced the wonderful Patton Oswalt as the kind of unoriginal male lead that thinking movie audiences deserve. Thank you to Juno filmmakers Jason Reitman and Diablo Cody for giving us a fresh female character who can be manipulative, bitchy and yet completely relatable — in that she understands how dulcet the nasal-y narration of Kourtney Kardashian can be when you are stained sweatpants-level depressed.
2. Melancholia
So Lars von Triers epic end-of-the-world endeavor may not be the kind of film Id rush back to see again anytime in the next few days — but that is because I am still digesting the dichotomy of the wildly beautiful images and disturbing apocalyptic tale of one depressed bride (Kirsten Dunst) and her improbably tolerant sister (Charlotte Gainsbourg) who see a planet approaching their own. This is the most nightmarish cinematic screensaver ever — and I mean that in the best way possible. Also, Kiefer Sutherlands comedic relief contributions are something to be admired. (On an unrelated note, can someone please give me a final bath count for this movie? Ive never seen depressives take to the bathtub more eagerly than the bed.)
1. The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
After reading Stieg Larssons Millenium series, and then sincerely enjoying the original Swedish Girl With the Dragon Tattoo — directed by Niels Arden Oplev — I did not know how David Fincher would improve upon such a solid film released so recently (2009). I should have known better than to doubt Fincher and his new muse Rooney Mara though, who transformed into the films dark, damaged, kick-ass heroine under the filmmakers expert care. The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo is easily the most electrifying and interesting thriller of the year.
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